Thanks went largely smooth and peaceful yesterday.

I read that not having angry outburst also requires self control. Maybe the practice of loving yourself also helps to increase self control?

I practiced more letting go and going along with the universe yesterday, with good results. Yesterday I agreed to take the cab home, which gave me a lot of extra energy to do additional work at home.

A random thought came to me that things are smooth cos of the work I had put in earlier to take care of my chores. For example, I had paid my bills last week, so there was no panic or anxiety this week from me putting away my bills. It is a long shot logically, but I may not be so disciplined to take care of my chores without doing the loving myself practice.

Yesterday I also read a quote from Thomas Watson that business is a game. Something feels significant to me about the quote but I haven’t figured it out yet.

I am glad I started this trial.

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On a weekend there is less trigger points for panic attacks or anger. I was briefly flustered when I went to a crowded shopping district earlier in the morning.

The day was calm for the most part. I observed that other than my chores like wishing dishes, I didn’t have to interfere or open my mouth have life work.

I was asked to help other people in their work. Normally this would be accompanied with a lot of frustration. Today, the frustration was a lot less.

I also helped to comfort someone through their anger. I was a bit affected by the anger but this time it did not trigger a self pity routine as it usually would.

Lesson of the day is that I see that the world would not end if I stopped interefering with it.

Day 5 it seems like the trial has begun to stabilize. It seems easier to repeat the affirmations.

A minor irritation at breakfast passed by with less incidents.

The day went by smoothly and there was the tendency to reduce the affirmations.

There was also minor panic attacks about work and finances.

Small miracles seem to start happening. I was able to redeeem $20 worth of unexpected rebate vouchers for a restaurant meal. I think one of the unexpected benefits of the loving yourself practice is the increase in positive surprises in my life.

i also learnt to appreciate my relationships more. Yesterday during dinner I cut down on my usual habit of reading articles on my handphone to focus on the people I am having dinner with.

Takeaway lesson for today is when life starts to go well, then there is tendency to slow down or stop the practice. At this stage, the challenge is to build the habit of loving yourself when the circumstances are good.

It is easy to motivate yourself to love yourself when you are suffering as you can see the potential. It is less easier to continue with the practice when life is better as you may be complacent and think how does this make my life better. I think it may be more productive to think of loving yourself as a hygiene practice that is needed to maintain an emotionally and spiritually healthy life, like brushing your teeth.

Today one big crisis happened at work and one irritation event happened later at night. Normally the work crisis will trigger a panic attack that lasts for one day or more. Today the work crisis triggered a mild attack which disappeared after about one hour thanks to social support and maybe due to the trial.

The irritiation event would normally cause me to be majorly upset and throw temper tantrums, today I made it through without shouting.

The first learning point today was how much time was wasted. Although I am not doing affirmations all the time, now I squeeze affirmations in the middle of other chores, like waking from my room to the kitchen, while exercising, while waiting at the bus stop. With so much free time for my thoughts, I think it is more productive to use it on positive and productive thoughts than on random mental ramblings.

The second and last learning point today was I spend a lot of time complaining. When I seriously started this test to do the one affirmation, I start to notice when I am about to complain. When I am about to complain, the complaint thoughts disrupt the affirmations, which is how I know when I want to complain. At this early stage of the trial, I would say that the affirmations distract me from complain and also derail the complaints. His is an improvement from normal life where the complaints would distract me from work instead.

Hope you all are getting some benefits from me sharing my experiences about the trial.

 

Day 3 was calmer than Day 1 and Day 2. I wonder if it was because of the momentum built up.

Maintaining the practice feels easier now. While doing the practice, I become more aware of when I have been complaining. I was also involved in a discussion of why people complain. The discussion came to the conclusion that complain does not help at all and that at an early stage of spiritual development, it would be better to limit exposure to people with negativity.

One question I had in my mind was why was it easier for me to repeat the affirmation this practice as compared to previous practices and affirmation. One of my guesses is that for me , believing the affirmation “I love myself.” is easier than other affirmations about my career or finances.

One thing I had not stated previously was my aim in starting this trial. My aim in starting this trial is to see how far I can go in a thirty day trial and also to see if the loving yourself method works and if it would reduce fear as claimed by others.

Today is the second day of the loving myself trial. A meaningful post I read today was Abundance in a World of Limited Resources by Steve Pavlina. I am learning more and more to appreciate the lessons from scarcity.

Today there were still some panic attacks, but the day went by more peacefully. A random sequence of FAQ questions crossed my mind. The FAQ questions and my answers are below.

Have you tried this before?

Yes when I first read Kamal’s book, Love yourself like your life depends on it.

 

Did it work for you then? Why or why not?

After I read the book, I was inspired and tried the affirmations for like ten minutes. Over the next few days at work I tried the meditation exercise sporadically. The practice then had no long lasting effect. My analogy is that the practice is like chanting a magic spell that lasts only for 0.5 secs. When you first repeat an affirmation, the effect lasts for half a second. Only after repeating the affirmation for an extended period of time does something like a magical barrier begin to build in your life.

Repeating the words “I love myself” does it sound very narcissistic?

I used to think the same way. Afterwards I came up with the following thought experiment. Imagine Narcissist was looking at himself by the water’s edge, just like in the Greek myth. When he looks into the water, instead of seeing a handsome face, he sees an ugly face, full of pimples, scars, and unbalanced features. If he is still able to say to his ugly reflection “I love myself” then the morale of the story would be very different. Narcissist would become like a Saint, sending unconditional love to all, attracting animals like Snow White, helping old ladies cross the road and healing the sick.

This though experiment reveals a key truth. For Narcissistic people, what they are repeating to themselves is “I love myself BECAUSE I am handsome/beautiful/rich/smart/successful” ! It is very conditional love. For the practice of loving yourself, the sentence is “I love myself.” Notice the fullstop inside. There is no attached conditions. You having a good day, “I love myself.” You having a bad day, it is still “I love myself.” Rain or sunshine, you are giving yourself unconditional love, even if it is for a second.

Is there a better analogy to help me understand what may be happening?

Saying the affirmation one time is like having one second of sunshine. We have a seed planted in our hearts. It needs regular and consistent sunshine for the seed to germinate and grow. If we do the affirmation for one day and stop or do it for one week and stop. The seed will fail to germinate. If we do it for a whole, the seed germinates into a seedling and then we stop, the seedling dies before it can bloom into a flower. Yet we also do not need to do it non stop every second. As long as we do it regularly enough, the seed will germinate and the seedling will survive. How long can we go with a break in the practice, this is where the analogy breaks down.

After reflecting on the previous post on loving yourself to deal with fear, I am interested to try a 30 Day Trial to loving myself. The method used to practice loving myself is one of the methods mentioned in the book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It by Kamal Ravikant. It is also the method listed in the previous post, which is simply to repeat the affirmation “I love myself” as frequently as possible during the day.

Today during a meeting at work, I noticed panic rising in myself when project deadlines were discussed. I found that repeating the affirmation helped me to distract my mind from the panic.

At home, another personal issue triggered a panic attack. I am not sure if it was due to the affirmation or the hot shower. The panic attack subsided while I repeated the name in the shower.

The affirmations seem to lead me to a book, The Magical Path: Creating the Life of Your Dreams and a World that works for All by Marc Allen (amazon non-affiliate link).