For boys and men, one of the reasons to find a girlfriend/life partner is the fear of loneliness. The feeling of loneliness is described very well in a post by Dotseng: The point of vanishing.

When we are young and before school, we have our parents or caretakers to accompany us and chase away the feeling of isolation. During our young school days pre-puberty, parents and friends form our companion ship so we do not feel alone. After puberty, from our teenage years until the end of university or formal school, some of us will have girlfriends, but the rest of us will have our friends to keep the feeling of loneliness at bay.

Once we start work and if we are not attached, the feeling of loneliness will start in earnest. Even if we have our circle of friends, we will feel something is missing. Our parents may still be there and still give us unconditional love, but we do not feel as strongly a part of our family as we felt when we were eight years old. Society starts to put on the pressure, with advertisements, relatives and friends asking why we do not have a girlfriend, wife or even children.

The feeling of loneliness is a very strange one. One may be stuck in the Siberian wilderness, but once you have a girlfriend beside you, the feeling of loneliness may go away. Which is strange. When you look at it, two people fill up the space in the Siberian wilderness pretty much the same. There is still a lot of empty space around. Yet the feeling of loneliness disappears.

Sometimes, even if your girlfriend is beside you and you feel emotionally disconnected from her, or if you feel that she does not understand you, then you will feel lonely as well.

So the question to ask yourself is, when I am looking for a girlfriend, or spouse or life partner, am I trying to run away from the feeling of loneliness?

What you need to be aware of is that part of your mental and emotional distress about being single is the contribution from the feeling of loneliness.

We can run away from the feeling of loneliness using distractions. We can try to reduce the feeling by doing kind deeds and loving actions. Yet it will always be there, like part of a human condition, just like breathing or eating.

There is no technique to overcome the feeling of isolation and loneliness. There is only to study loneliness well so that you can factor it into your plans for life.

Ways to study loneliness

  1. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling lonely?’
  2. Practice some form of meditation or contemplation.
  3. Review your life so far, especially on the challenging periods of your life and what lessons can you learn.