Back in elementary school, Dazong didn’t really interact with girls but did not feel that very awkward around them. It wasn’t that he felt girls were any different, but that he preferred to play soccer and video games with the boys.


Puberty came to Dazong about early 14 plus. Unfortunately Dazong was in a single-sex school. Coupled with the fact that Dazong went home after school, there was no opportunity to meet or date girls around his age. Throughout this time, Dazong kept praying (he was religious) that he would find a girlfriend, and that the girlfriend would make his life magically complete.


There was a combined school trip when Dazong was 15. A prank by his schoolmates that time led him to sit next to a girl on a bus for the beginning stages of the trip. She was cool, played the guitar. She was kind and volunteered at charities on the weekends. She was kinda cute in her own way. Most of all, very important for a 15 year old, she had the same taste in music. Things went well for a few days. Then one time on the trip back, somehow he decided he wanted to lay low and skip seating next to her. It wasn’t a rejection (or deliberately intended to be one). So she rejected him too, with the common words “lets just be friends.”


Dazong couldn’t let go probably for the next ten years. Having the first crush reject you was very traumatizing, and Dazong wasn’t close enough to anyone, not even his parents or his peers. After that, Dazong didn’t realize why he was rejected, and like a lot of young boys, thought that he made a mistake and that he could do something to “win her back.”


Dazong intellectually knew that there was a scientific field called psychology, but he didn’t know that the field of psychology would apply to what was going through. He thought that he would be unloveable and that there was either something wrong with him fundamentally or that there were skills that he did not know, like tying a knot or learning how to spell or learning how to do addition, he could learn mechanically how to get a girlfriend.


Little did Dazong know that becoming mature was a critical process in getting a girlfriend. After all, the sportsman or jock who were behaving immaturely had their pick of the most beautiful girls in school. Later in life, Dazong would experience for himself the character building and pain of sports training.


Dazong thought that by sacrificing himself for the family that he was being mature. Yet he threw anger tantrums very often and did little to positively contribute the situation other than spend very little money. His mom asked him not to work as to concentrate on his studies to get a high paying job later in life.